(Verse 1)
Until Now, I probably never was a sick spitter
Never had the discipline to live up to my big sisters
Until Now, I probably never saw the big picture
Too closed minded and stubborn to look at things different
Until Now, I probably never had the work ethic
Never truly understood the meaning of the word desperate
Never pushed myself, thriving off my worst efforts
Never spilled my guts into everyone of my verse methods
Until Now, I was waiting for handouts
Growing impatient because the plan never panned out
Until Now, I was waiting to be saved
Waiting for change and prayed, but the freedom never came
Until Now, I’ve been selfish and enraged
Stuck in place from the restraints of self-inflicted chains
Until Now, I wrote casually on the page
Passively rapped with the mentality of a slave
(Chorus)
Until Now, I’ve been wasting my time
Waiting for a handout and couldn’t make up my mind
Until Now, I sat around waiting for help
Frustrated feeling down from the pain I’ve been dealt
Until Now, I’ve been afraid to say what I felt
Believing everybody else short changing myself
Until Now, I never took a chance or a stand
And was ashamed of being true to the man that I am
(Verse 2)
Until Now, I’ve been nothing but a let down
Till I met Matty Beats and reinvented the best sound
Until Now, I’ve been self absorbed with it’s repercussions
Was never interested or concerned with the needs of others
Until Now, I’ve been too timid/affraid
To take risks from personal relations to the stage
Until Now, I’ve been a victim of deception
Unable to find truths to pick the right direction
Until Now, I’ve been misguided and ill-informed
Never had the wisdom I needed to go against the norm
Until Now, I’ve been nothing but dishonest
Nothing but dismissive from dubs and piff bong rips
Until Now, I’ve been a short sighted, poor spender
Frustrated spittin’ long verses with short temper
Until Now, I’ve been ignorant
Uninterested in anyone or anything and didn’t give a shit
(Chorus)
Until Now, I’ve been wasting my time
Waiting for a handout and couldn’t make up my mind
Until Now, I sat around waiting for help
Frustrated feeling down from the pain I’ve been dealt
Until Now, I’ve been afraid to say what I felt
Believing everybody else short changing myself
Until Now, I never took a chance or a stand
And was ashamed of being true to the man that I am
(Verse 3)
Until Now, I’ve been living with my head down
Thinking it wouldn’t make a difference if I was dead now
Until Now, I took for granted all my Mom’s support
Never was content with what I had and always wanted more
Until Now, I’ve been a mad little asshole
Pessimistic mind with a glass less than half full
Until Now, I’ve been uncertain and doubtful
Of the potential that one person can amount to
Until Now, I’ve been out of time in the final seconds
Outspoken, out of line, and unapologetic
Until Now, I used to give myself a lot of credit
Thought I was the best and got defensive when I got rejected
Until Now, I never answered to the urgency
And overindulged in addiction out of insecurity
Until Now, I’ve collapsed in defeat
Gave up on my dreams and thought it wouldn’t happen to me
(Chorus)
Until Now, I’ve been wasting my time
Waiting for a handout and couldn’t make up my mind
Until Now, I sat around waiting for help
Frustrated feeling down from the pain I’ve been dealt
Until Now, I’ve been afraid to say what I felt
Believing everybody else short changing myself
Until Now, I never took a chance or a stand
And was ashamed of being true to the man that I am
Until Now
Longtime Style P collaborator Fortes serves up instrumental versions of eight of his productions for the New York rapper. Bandcamp New & Notable Jun 22, 2020
